Listening to your Inner Guidance System – my story

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I travelled the world for 12 years in total.  I had an online job that I mostly enjoyed which paid me in US dollars, and allowed me a life of adventure and leisure.  I spent months at a time on palm tree lined beaches, with nothing to do but play games, learn the guitar and write poetry.  I dated beautiful people from around the world, mostly young dark-skinned musicians who would sit on the end of my bed and play me love songs.  I climbed volcanoes, I swam in phosphorescent-filled waters at midnight, I explored ancient ruins and cobble-stone roads, and sampled exotic food and drink from many corners of the globe.

In 2009 I was living in an Amazon city in the north of Brazil, working as a jazz singer in some of the city’s best bars and restaurants, and dating a young beautiful saxophone player.  I lived just 5 minutes from the river, and a short boat ride from lovely white sand beach islands, where I went often.  Mangoes fell from the trees and littered the streets, and fresh açai was $2 a bowl at the market down the road.

And I was hideously depressed.

Like, there were plenty of days I couldn’t get out of bed.  And there were other days I started drinking at 9am to avoid feeling anything at all.  There was a huge void inside me that I had no idea how to fill, except with drinking, drugs, and constant activity.  Sometimes I felt so flat I wondered how I could do anything at all ever again, and other times I had a rage and frustration inside me that was so intense I wanted to tear myself apart.  I cried, a lot.

In 2010 a friend invited me to a spiritual ceremony which involved using a medicinal tea native to Brazil and Peru.  That Saturday night, I found myself standing in a circle of formally dressed people singing songs from a hymn book in Portuguese, still tasting the bitter tea in my mouth.  An hour or so later I was crying my eyes out in the most cathartic way imaginable as I had an experience of meeting my higher self, who offered me her unconditional love and assistance.

Entering an altered state of consciousness got me out of my normal way of thinking and allowed me to interrupt my patterns and see things from another perspective I’d been blind to.  Suddenly it all became very clear to me – what I had to do, what I had to stop doing.  What was making me miserable.  What needed to change.  Who was supporting me, and who was keeping me down.  I regained access to a strength and wisdom that I had been blocking with constant overthinking, negative mental chatter, unhelpful habitual behaviour, and drinking.    I regained access to resources that had always been there.

From here on, things changed for me.  I continued to participate in these ceremonies, but also returned to a practice of meditation, mindfulness, and self-hypnosis.  I gave up drinking, smoking and all other substances that were blocking my feelings and clarity.  I improved my eating habits, lost weight, and regained my life force.  I learned to feel, process and heal my emotions instead of avoiding them, and it was wonderful.  I learned forgiveness and gratitude, which changed my life completely.  And after I’d healed most of my core wounds, I understood it was time for me to head back to Australia and share this healing with other people.

See, the depression was there for a reason.  It was my inner guidance system telling me there was something wrong.

Singing jazz in Brazil and hanging out on the beach was fun and all, but it wasn’t in line with my true purpose.  I felt empty because I wasn’t living my life in a way that was meaningful to me.  As soon as I stopped ignoring that darkness and trying to suppress it, it showed me exactly what I needed to do to be happy, strong and fulfilled.  In fact, I’m grateful to that depression, because it led me to get the help I needed and put me on the path I felt I should be on.

There are many ways to use altered states of consciousness to access our inner resources and get our lives on track, and I’ve made this my life’s work.  I’ve studied hypnosis, NLP, mindfulness, meditation, and dreamwork, so that I can be a guide on people’s journeys into their true selves, where healing can occur most easily.  It’s my most passionate desire to connect people to the freedom, strength and wisdom they all innately have inside them.

Anger, hatred, spite, emptiness, restlessness, depression, anxiety, addiction… these are all simply a sign that your inner guidance system is in excellent working order, and wants you to know there is something that could be improved.  All these ‘negative’ emotions are perfect and natural gateways into self-reflection, new understanding, and a better, healthier, more joyful way of living.

Let me know when you’re ready to start listening to them!

Comments

  1. Powerful story. Thank you for sharing it and yourself.

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